Bad Day
by Durgas Dragon
Summary: Ibiki’s having a rotten day, but sometimes, it can leave promises at the end for the next


**Bad Day**

_**Disclaimer: This is a purely fan-made piece that is using the world and characters from Masashi Kishimoto's **_**Naruto**_** and is made entirely for enjoyment. No financial gain has been made in the making of this piece**_

_**Summery: Ibiki's having a rotten day, but sometimes, it can leave promises at the end for the next**_

_**Author's Note: Written for Athame, who was cool enough to stay in the swap with me…was the only one who did so, too…Possible out-of-characterness, swearing, and all sorts of character abuse**_

_**Constructive Criticism is always welcomed**_

_**Published: 29 July 2008**_

_**Rating: T**_

**Ibiki was—officially—having a Bad Day.**

**He had woken up**** after a poor night's sleep (he never slept well in the summer and it seemed that his air conditioner was on the frits again) and looked at the weather report and knew that the day had a bad start. Extreme humidity and high temperatures—it was going to be uncomfortable to be **_**naked**_**, much less in a trench coat and full uniform.**

**The worthless prisoner they had captured for him had managed to off herself before Ibiki had gotten anything of real use from her, so they **_**still**_** didn't know why she was there or what she was up to or anything like that. The stupid little underling that Tsunade-sama claimed would 'help' Ibiki out had gotten sick—**_**again**_**—before more than a pint of blood had been spilled while holding Ibiki's caramel macchiato. Then he 'had to' go to the med centre and Ibiki never saw a replacement—for either the 'assistant' or the all-important caramel macchiato.**

**Ibiki found himself longingly wishing that Aoba and Anko were back from their mission—not, of course, because he particularly **_**liked**_** either one, but because Aoba was a paper-filing **_**machine**_** and could fill out torture reports faster than almost everyone else, and Anko was very, very, VERY good with the steamer and espresso machine. He would put up with a lot of Anko's obnoxiousness for her caramel macchiato-making skills alone.**

**The day only got better from there. His two stand-by interrogators called in 'sick', Shizune followed him around for ****an hour and half, wanting results and answers he didn't have, and the guards had been lax enough that the Third's annoying grandson and his friends managed to get into his office. He found a report that should have gone to Suna three weeks ago stuck in a folder that contained Hiashi's mental health status and **_**another**_** hole chewed in his fourth-best coat by that damn mouse. There were no more of Chouza's muffins left in the break room because **_**somebody**_** who DID NOT BELONG in the T & I wing had crept in and stole the last one.**

**He was going to put Genma's senbon through Raidou's tongue for that one.**

**As if that wasn't bad enough, his cat had to go to the vet's and since Inuzuka Hana was busy, he had to go to the one who charged two hundred an ****hour (rounded up, of course), not counting anything that might have to be done after the diagnostic tests were finished. His neighbours were **_**still**_** having **_**very**_** loud sex when he got home and let his **_**extremely**_** unhappy cat out of the carrier.**

**His cat, then, in revenge, ****peed on his feet and then hacked up a hairball on his pillow before it hid in the deepest recesses of Ibiki's closet, refusing to even come out for some Friskin' Kitten Extra-Pouncy Tuna Treats. The Super-Zesty Chicken Gravy Treats didn't do the trick, either. For that matter, neither did the Extra-Meaty Salmon Munchy Hairball Treats, the Porky Porker Treats, or the Fabulously Crunchy Tartar-Control Beefy Chunks Treats. Ibiki gave up begging after the Superbly Succulent White Fish Tasty Treats failed and resolved to write some nasty letters to Friskin' Kitten and maybe to the Better Business Bureau. Friskin' Kitten had claimed that no cat could resist their products and that OBVIOUSLY was false advertisement, as Ibiki's cat was still in his closet, hiding under his old flak vests.**

**By this point, Ibiki wanted to do nothing more than wallow in front of his telly with a sappy romantic comedy and wait for his cat to forgive him or get hungry—which ever came first.**** Unfortunately, the Hokage had decided that they should have a party out on the river to cool everyone down and if Ibiki didn't show up, she'd bring the party to his place. Last time, it had taken him more than a week to clean up and over two months to repair all the damage, and he didn't see his cat for more than ten seconds for the next three months because the cat wanted to punish him for disrupting its life so utterly.**

**Just about everyone was three sheets in the wind when he got there and the blaring music did nothing to improve his foul mood. Neither did being ganged up by Tsume and Kurenai, who, apparently, were trying to get all males at the party under forty to go skinny dipping. Ibiki felt immediately grateful that Anko wasn't there—espresso skills or not—because she would be a lot more direct about getting Ibiki to do what the women were interested in (Ibiki's cat liked to sleep in the ruined remains of the last coat that Anko had gotten a hold of).**

**Unfortunately, it seemed that Kurenai and Tsume had been successful in getting Asuma, Genma, Raidou, Gai, Inoichi, Kotetsu, and Hiashi to strip and Izumo, Chouza, Iwashi, Tenzo, and Shikaku to be shirtless or in their underwear, so there were WAY too many people running around with WAY too little on and really, Ibiki did NOT want to **_**ever**_** see most of these people in such a state.**

**He managed to hide for the first half hour or so in the darkest corner before Tsunade got the brilliant idea to dump buckets of icy water on ever****yone, clothing or not. He got doused, and then got splashed from when they got Kakashi (one of the three fully dressed males in the room—Ibiki thought that maybe he'd take the masked man out for drinks one day soon because it was clear the man wasn't completely crazy).**

**He might have escaped any more watering****s, but then Umino Iruka (the third male in the room to be fully dressed) locked himself in the broom closet and apparently was good enough that they couldn't work the water under the door to get him. Deciding that they couldn't waste the water, the rabid women got Ibiki **_**again**_** because Kakashi had left him and he wasn't on his way to being naked (he hastily revised his opinion on the Copy Ninja at that point—he hated him).**

**Now instead of being miserable and annoyed, Ibiki was **_**wet**_**, cold, miserable, and annoyed. And he couldn't go home; nobody was drunk enough that they wouldn't notice him slipping out. And now his underwear was starting to stick to places that underwear **_**shouldn't**_**.**

**Ibiki hated the world.**

**The broom door opened a crack and nervous a chocolate eye peeked out. "Are they gone?"**

**He grunted. Let the chunin take it however he wanted to.**

**The door opened a little bit more and a ponytail followed the mocha eyes. When the teacher deemed it to be safe, he sidled out. Much to Ibiki's completely-concealed surprise, the man didn't bolt for the exit to try and escape; instead, he slipped up to Ibiki's side. "They got you with my share of water, didn't they? I'm sorry."**

**Ibiki grunted again; with today's record, right now would be the point that he'd discover**** that Iruka was really a hostile jounin agent for the Honey country whose signature jutsu involved diarrhoea, straight-line winds, and angry rabid wombats.**

**"Is there anything I could do to make it up to you?" Big, brown eyes looked up at him earnestly.**** "I didn't realise that they'd go after you."**

**Ibiki wondered if this was the gods' way of mocking him. He knew if he asked the chunin for what he **_**really**_** wanted—an assistant who wasn't completely useless for his T & I work—then Tsunade would give him that speech about slavery being illegal and how Iruka would work himself to death before he thought of himself so it was up to everyone else to make sure that he didn't, blah, blah, blah, et cetera, et cetera (Tsunade had the annoying tendency to beat things to death and then going out and getting drunk afterwards).**

**He decided to go with the one thing he really wanted to see. "Are you any good with cats?"**

**Iruka immediately grinned at him. "I'm **_**great**_** with cats! How can I help out?"**

**"My cat won't come out of the closet."**

**It wasn't until Iruka wasn't able to keep his face straight that Ibiki realised what he'd said and what Iruka was thinking. That did it. He didn't care if he had to sleep in Tsuande's office to escape everyone; he was **_**leaving**_** and finding a place to hide until this terrible day was **_**over**_**.**

**Iruka hurried to catch up with him. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to offend you!"**** The chunin sounded distressed and miserable. "I didn't mean to make the situation worse!"**

**Ibiki grunted and keep moving towards the gangplank.**

**The goal was within sight and he could taste freedom when a drunk Tsunade flanked by Kurenai and Tsume stepped into his path. "Goin' sumwher', boys?" The hokage slurred out.**

**"Uh…we…um…" Iruka scratched his scar and blushed a brilliant shade of scarlet. "…I…we…were trying not to be seen?"**

**Ibiki managed not to jump when Iruka brushed the back of their hands together. The women's eyes widened, noticing the contact and a new mania grew on their faces. Ibiki felt the gods start to laugh at him as they found a new way to torment him, as it was a well-known secret that Kurenai liked her yaoi stories, Tsume supported sex in any form (especially if she got to watch), and Tsunade liked to make people squirm.**

**"Lookin' fer sum m'or'…'private time', eh?" Tsume cackled, eyeing Ibiki's crotch.**

**"'Ow do I kno' you aren't tryin' ta skip outta my party?" Tsunade demanded rebelliously.**

**"She does got a point," the Inuzuka agreed as Kurenai ****gained the expression that she usually reserved for when Asuma had just finished a training session and was shirtless and sweaty. "How's we ta kno' if that's wot yous two up to?"**

**"Prove it," Kurenai sighed a little too excitedly.**

**"Yeah!" Tsunade brightened up. "Prove that you really wanna leave an' fer gud reasons!"**

**"I don't think that would necessary." Ibiki made sure that his 'Interrogator' voice leaked out strongly. "I think Iruka-sensei made our case all ready."**

**"You a party-pooper!" The hokage accused loudly. "I gots this all togedder fer you an' you tryin' ta skip—"**

**Tsunade bit off her words sharply as Iruka suddenly reached up, grabbed the back of Ibiki's head, and yanked the tokujou's mouth down.**

**Ibiki growled slightly when Iruka tried to dominate the kiss. He slanted his mouth over the chunin's harshly, booking no argument. If he had to go through with this harebrained scheme that Iruka was employing, **_**he**_** was going to be the one to dictate how this kiss went.**

**Iruka wisely didn't fight him for dominance any more, but he didn't submit and become a passive participant, either. He responded readily and played along, even going so far as to let Ibiki's tongue into his mouth and curling one of his legs over Ibiki's hip.**

**Ibiki found himself wishing for a wall that he could pin the smaller man to, just so he could increase the angle that Iruka was being held at. Since the current options seemed to be either use Tsunade or the floor, he settled on tucking on hand under the thigh on his hip and using that as some leverage.**

**Iruka groaned—too quietly to be heard by their audience, but Ibiki felt it in his chest. Deciding that continuing on would result in too much nudity for such a public spot, he tried to pull his head away.**

**The chunin would have none of that and the hands that had been—just a moment before—clawing and clutching at his shoulders grabbed his head so he couldn't go anywhere and then Iruka was awkwardly rising to the ball of his only foot on the ground as he pushed himself back up against Ibiki. His mouth was hot and wet and willing, so Ibiki figured that it would only help him get out of here if he allowed the teacher a few more moments of this gratuitous display.**

**A **_**thump**_** made Ibiki pry Iruka's mouth off of him, despite the chunin's whined protest.**

**Kurenai, it seemed, had passed out and—judging the front of her dress—the cause was lose of blood by her nasal cavity. Tsume was pinching her nose to try and keep the blood in her head while the hokage was giving them a look that said that she wasn't sure that what she was seeing was really happening or just the alcohol clouding her mind. The ring of staring (and in varying states of undress) shinobis didn't help matters. Genma's senbon had fallen from his mouth and was currently embedded his foot, but the man was too drunk and too shocked to notice it.**

**Sensing that no-one would stop him from escaping if he left in the next few moments, Ibiki unlocked his hands from Iruka's strong thighs and quickly made the seals for the transportation jutsu.**

**"That," Iruka said a bit breathlessly, "was the smoothest exit we could've ever had!"**

**Ibiki grunted slightly and went to work untangling himself from the mission room worker. "Thank you."**

**"It was my pleasure." Iruka only let go because it was starting to get awkward dangling from Ibiki like a leech. He left his hand on Ibiki's arm. "Do you still want me to come over and see your cat?"**

**"No, thank you."**

**"Are you sure? Because I'd be happy to…help you out with more than just your cat."**

**Ibiki looked at the hand on his arm and then gave the chunin a level stare. The chocolate eyes didn't waver. Finally, after weighing his options, he said "No, I don't think so."**

**Iruka watched him a moment, and then dropped his gaze. "Oh." He let his hand fall and turned to go.**

**"Today has not been a very good day"—understatement of the **_**year**_**—"and I'd rather not risk having something terrible happening when we are together." Iruka had stopped and big brown eyes started to fill with understanding and something decidedly warmer.**

**"Could we try for something tomorrow, then?" The chunin's hand found its way Ibiki's chest, right next to the edge of his coat lapels. "Tomorrow morning, maybe?"**

**"I do not have anything planned then, so if your schedule was conducive…" Ibiki let the words trail off as a hard and hopeful body moulded itself to his side.**

**Iruka smiled warmly at him. "Shall I be pencilled in?"**

**"I think using a pen would be more appropriate."**

**As Iruka curled more firmly under his arm, Ibiki reflected back on the day. It hadn't been even remotely close to being a decent one, but at least the next one promised to be better.**

_**x Fin x**_


End file.
